making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am naked and annoyed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
