dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
