lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
