When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
