he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
