Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
