I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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