i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
