Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
