I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
