so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
