Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
