So drunk its hurt
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
