so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
