yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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