Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
