Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
