the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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