Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
