I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
