Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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