It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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