You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
