i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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