White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone came in the potted fern
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
