My first STD was from a foam party
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
