im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
