I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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