either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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