If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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