remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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