3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
