This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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