I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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