and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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