Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
