I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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