when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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