Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
