that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
