If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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