I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
