after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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