my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
