im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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