Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
