when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
