somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
