and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just cropdusted the office
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
