I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
