i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
