Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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