Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
