apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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