So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
