Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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