like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
this hospital has no fireball
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
