a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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