I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
