It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
