the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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