I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
