She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize