life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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